I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
