forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
