he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
