I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
