I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
