in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
