Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
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