my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I'm eating all of the evidence.
where am i from again
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
