i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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