HIV tests are more positive than that guy
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize
