I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
