He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
why does every cop we meet know your name?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
