U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
