I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
