what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize