best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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