my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
