haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
