Umm I'm too high to move.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
