btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
