When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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