this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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