The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
