OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize