Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
