Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
