my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
