Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
