Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
