Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
