Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
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