I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize