Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
