why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
