I bet he comes in French.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
