I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
