What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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