Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
