She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
