i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
