I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
