i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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