the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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