yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
