Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
