Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
