I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
