oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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