is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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