I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
