Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I enjoy the company of your penis
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