i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
So much rum. So many feels.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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