im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
