Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
