I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
