Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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