We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
