god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
