Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
