that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
