I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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