On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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