A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
