dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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