he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
