In the future we'll all be gay
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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