he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
We were destined to go to rehab together
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
