i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
