well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
handjob tips. give me some.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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