She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
