Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
