Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Vodka?
Forever.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize