Moan for me like Helen Keller
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
