I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Randomize
