I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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