I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
