oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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