I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
