You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
