Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
