he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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