I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
It was confusing and full of hummus
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
