Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
