his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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